Police, Crime & 999 - The True Story of a Front Line Officer by John Donoghue

Author:John, Donoghue [John, Donoghue]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Matador
Published: 2011-06-18T22:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER TWELVE:

Burglary

Three police cars were blue lighting across the town, converging on one location. A call had come in that the brothers Peacock – Drew and Chris, were burgling a house on the Red Estate.

They were career criminals. Chris had done more meters than Jesse Owens, whilst Drew would steal anything that wasn’t nailed down. If you cut off his hands as punishment, you could guarantee that the next day there would be a spate of ring doughnut thefts around the town.

Chris had recently got a tattoo across his back reading: ‘CRIMINAL’. He told us he got it done because that was what we were always calling him, saying, “I want to be unique, just like everyone else.” He should have listened a bit closer to find out what we actually called him, and then he would have ended up getting ‘TOSSPOT’ tattooed instead and saved himself the cost of a letter. Chris could be described as an angry sea, full of torment and despair. Or indeed, the aforementioned ‘tosspot’.

Drew on the other hand, relied on the simplicities of bigotry for his belief system. I am neither Romanian nor black, not that there is anything wrong with being Romanian or black, I hasten to add. They are just two things that I am not. However, these are just two of the things that Drew has vehemently accused me of in a wave of hate filled vitriol when I have previously arrested him, only for me to further arrest him for racially aggravated public order in the light of these both spurious and unfounded accusations. I was present when Chris informed his dimwit brother that some racist/fascist political party was having a march in a nearby town and that the Orangemen were coming over to join them.

“What the (expletive deleted) has it got to do with mobile phones?” was Drew’s response.

Ah, Drew Peacock, there really is no start to his talents. Sorry, maybe I’m being little unfair there. If truth be told, he can actually do basic maths sums by stomping out the answer on the floor with his hoof.

Drew also has ACAB tattooed across his knuckles. Whilst readers of the Urban Dictionary, and almost everyone else in the business knows that it stands for ‘All Coppers Are Bastards’, whilst he is in custody at least, Drew maintains it actually stands for ‘Always Carry A Bible’. Whereas I admit I haven’t seen the Pope’s knuckles recently, I hardly think that the Pontiff would have such an inking on his person. He’d probably have something like ‘Jesus is coming …look busy!’ or a bikini-clad Mother Teresa.

Drew looks like he’s never seen a bible in his life. Mind you, the last time he was up before the custody Sergeant, I explained to Daisy that she would probably be seeing a lot more of him as he was a recidivist. Peacock was then suddenly at pains to point out to her that, “I’m (expletive deleted) C of E!”

Not only is Drew an illiterate, but he also has yet to understand the principle of a woman scorned.

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